Being codependent means to completely rely on the person you are in a relationship with. A codependent person aims to please all the needs and interests of their partner. As a result, they neglect their own needs.
You see, the primary focus for a codependent is in their relationship. So when the breakup happens, it ruins a codependent partner physically, emotionally, and leaves them feeling drained. This is hardly a fun state to be in.
If you were previously in a codependent marriage and filed divorce papers online not long ago, then undertaking new hobbies or a healthy diet won’t be the first thing on your mind after divorce.
Instead, you will need a complex approach to refurbish your personality and get the inspiration for a new happy life. So, hopefully, we will help.
Below, you will see a number of tips and tricks on how to move on from divorce if you were codependent and start a better life without remorse. Try one, or try them all. The main aim is to find something that works for you, and allows you to make progress in life.
1. Keep a Journal
Having your marriage terminated, or having your partner leave, will lead to many emotions and feelings. Unfortunately, they are not the feelings you want.
You will need some way to let your emotions out. If not, they will easily consume you, and often leads to self-destructive outcomes.
Keeping a journal can become your salvation. By writing down what’s on your mind, you will remove all of that emotional burden. It allows you to analyze your thoughts, and understand your true needs and desires better.
However, if you want to still dwell on some points after your breakup, here are some ideas:
- the harm your relationship was bringing to you;
- the sacrifice you made when being married;
- the obstacles the relationship created for you from being a good and happy person;
- the new opportunities the divorce has offered you.
By letting your journal know about your past griefs and mistakes, you will feel freedom and create some new space for a brighter future ahead.
2. Don’t Hurry
As soon as you realize what has happened to you, it will become clearer how it has impacted your life. Also, you may then feel you are ready to move on and return to normal routines and usual relationships.
Sadly, there’s a good chance you will be disappointed.
The sadness and grief of your breakup, especially after codependent relationships, rarely passes quickly.
The alternative strategy is to prepare yourself for those negative emotions that could flood you at any point. This might even occur in the middle of the day. No matter when it happens, let them do their work.
Cry as much as you need. Stay in bed through the weekends. Grieve over the past you have lost.
The more you are prepared for these outbursts of emotions, the easier it will be to deal with them, and the sooner you will overcome this stage. One day, you will understand that there isn’t one feeling that ties you back to your past relationships. The only things are the memories, and there is every opportunity to move on successfully.
Just give it time. Give yourself time to heal.
A codependent partner usually socializes with their spouse only. They need no more than communication and approval from their beloved. So it’s no wonder that if they had friends, they eventually lost all of them.
As a result, when a breakup happens, such a person is left alone and opts for self-isolation, seeing no other way to deal with what has happened to them.
However, that does not have to apply to you.
Your primary task after the end of your marriage is to restore connections with your old friends. Be honest and say you need them in your life now.
You may only need to put in a little bit of effort, and you will get a huge response back. You will quickly see how other people care about you, love you, and support you. This will definitely help you on your way to happiness.
4. Break Ties with Your Ex
Avoid seeking any connections and encounters with your ex until after you have settled all the divorce-related issues. However, it is common to feel tempted into potentially nurturing at least some minor ties to feel like your relationship is alive at some point.
But the truth will hit you again and again when you get no response, your partner seems cold and distant, and your relationships seem irretrievably broken. The reality is there is no way back. The sooner you break all ties in real life and online, the easier it will be for you to accept the loss and heal eventually.
5. Focus on Basic and Security Needs
Before you can dream and create plans and visions for your future, you have to learn to listen and care about yourself and your primary needs. Living in a codependent marriage, you used to focus only on your partner’s necessities and desires. You neglected your own in the process.
Your own wishes and needs may be asleep deep inside. So, you will have to do some self-reflection and self-discovery to realize and implement your own cravings.
Start with the basics. Sleep well, use heavy duvets and soft pillows, wear comfy clothes and earplugs. Seek to create a comfortable environment in your house. Do oil massages. Drink a mug of cocoa with marshmallows before bed or in the morning. Take a midday nap and/or a lunch walk. This way you can improve your life.
Do everything that has a soothing effect on you. Eventually, you will feel more confident and content, so that you have enough strength and desire to implement more significant plans that will change your life.
6. Settle into Your Special Routine
You have changed your accommodation, personal life, social surroundings, and daily schedule. Everything seems unfamiliar, and perhaps even a bit scary at first. You are at loss amid all the changes and news.
When dealing with this, you may need simple anchors to remind you about reality, help regain balance, and even plan the future as you want it to be. You can create a special morning routine or even some evening rituals to hold on to.
Your morning anchor can be anything from a cup of your favorite drink or a nutritious smoothie for breakfast. It may include a walk around the park, a half-an-hour meditation, or journaling your previous and upcoming days.
For evenings, you could perhaps choose cozy clothes for sleep, clean, do your own aromatherapy massage, have a relaxing bath, practice mindfulness, read a book, and so on. You can combine several activities depending on your own personal preferences.
Repeating the same things daily will help you regain stability in your life, in addition to the benefits that come directly from the anchors themselves.
7. Receive Help
If you are willing to ask, you will find dozens of professionals ready to offer guidance and assistance about moving on after codependent relationships. Your main focus is to be ready and open to receiving help. The best approach is to combine group and personal therapy.
Group therapy, like social or spiritual meetings, will help you understand that you are not the only one to fail with coping. You are not alone with your feelings and emotions after this traumatic experience.
In therapy, you will share, reflect, and feel supported thanks to being with other people in need. Eventually, you will find your own way to happiness.
Cooperating with a coach or therapist allows you to experience a personal approach to your situation. The relevant specialist will help you through all stages of coming to terms with your past. They will help with understanding your present feelings, and creating a better future, whenever that time comes.
8. Recovery is Possible
Recovering from codependent relationships is unlike any other post-breakup issue. You need to search for a deeper strategy than a scoop of favorite ice cream and romcoms at the weekends.
This implies you have to work hard to understand how your past marriage ruined your life and how to get your life together. Also, you need to gather the courage to build a better yourself without your ex by your side. Cooperate with specialists, take care of yourself, and gain the happy life you deserve in the end.
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