So you’ve met the person who makes your heart sing. Not only that, but the birds seem to chirp louder, the trees appear greener, and life feels great.
The early stages of relationships are when people feel like they want to take their relationship to the next level. Asking questions is an excellent way of deciding whether this person is for you or not. Generally, asking your new love interest questions will flow naturally. Still, sometimes when things get a bit more complex in a relationship, we might wish we had requested particular questions and information upfront.
These 21 questions for a new relationship help a couple find out if they are genuinely compatible and if they share similar goals and ideas. It can make for a more straightforward relationship in the long term.
Some questions might require a sit-down and talk style as you progress further into the relationship. Still, other questions are conversational and even fun to ask. They can aid in keeping the conversation going as well.
No one likes to be grilled and especially in the very early days of a relationship or when you have just met. Too many questions can scare people off.
Asking questions during this phase will show if your partner is willing and able to share and communicate with you. Communication is vital in any relationship and is often called one of the cornerstones of a good relationship.
Some of the lighter questions to ask would be along the lines of these:
Question 1: What Were You Like in High School?
Finding out what our partner was like in school can shed light on who they are today. People’s personalities always remain at the core of who they are. Still, they might mention that they have changed in a big way because of certain things, or they might have found school difficult in a way that still affects them today. The school years are part of our socialization and can shape our personalities and other life experiences.
What appears to be a light and fun question gives up more critical information about who your partner is today. Either way, it is a fun question, and many people find it easier to answer in their own way.
Question 2: What Do You Consider are Your Most Significant Weaknesses?
No one is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses; perhaps your new partner’s weakness is your strength. In this way, you could be a great team. Understanding our partners helps create a relationship of trust and reciprocal feelings of intimacy and closeness.
Questions are not judgemental. They draw people closer together. You might not get all the answers to 21 questions for a new relationship the way you wanted them, but this leads to a better quality of understanding in the long term.
Question 3: Tell Me About Your Family?
Families often hold the key to what a person finds important. How do they get along with different family members, are they estranged, and if so, why?
Generally, if a person has solid family relationships, we are not saying perfect, but good enough to function. It shows that a person can work through issues. All families have problems, and a person who respects their family members will often be respectful. Some problems are not workable, and some families become estranged. Still, these are essential factors in your new partner’s life, and in turn, they become necessary to you.
Question 4: Which Parts of Your Job Do You Enjoy?
Some people love their jobs, some hate them, and still more people see their jobs as careers. If a person hates their job, they often can find things that appeal to them within the job. Knowing these aspects is good as they tell you more about your partner and how they tick. They might be striving to do better at their job, and they might love their career.
A job does not define a person, but their attitude towards it often does.
Question 5: Are There Goals You Have in Regards to Your Life?
We all have goals, and they could be to travel to certain places, live consciously, change our appearance, change our habits, get a house, or drive a new car. The answer shows where any person is at a given time and shows what they find important in their life. It also spells out those things this person wants in their life and how vital certain things are.
Sometimes dreams can be mixed in with goals, so it is vital to decipher which.
As your relationship becomes more important, some questions become more critical. Some of these 21 questions for a new relationship can be super important to you. Getting an answer early on in the relationship will help you make decisions.
Question 6: Do You Want Children?
Perhaps you do not want children, or maybe you do. Children could be a deal maker for you if a person does want children. It is better to know now. There could be compromises; maybe they do not want them now but later. It sounds like a reasonable alternative, but ‘later’ has to be determined more clearly for some. How much later? If they do not want children, you cannot change people’s minds in this regard, or at least you cannot bank on changing their minds.
Questions for a new relationship like this one could outline if this relationship will work out or not early on. It is better to know now than invest in a relationship with a time limit. Topics such as wanting children are significant to people whether they want them or whether they do not.
Question 7: What Do You Love About Our Relationship?
This question is an excellent question whether you are just starting or have been in a relationship that has hit hard times. A question like this points to the parts of your relationship that matter to you. If you take this to heart, it can start to build a lasting foundation.
The answers might be more profound, such as loving your integrity, honesty, or even your sense of humor.
Clarifying what is important to you allows your partner to think about things away from the actual question.
Question 8: Where Would You Like to Live?
This question can encompass the building, such as a house or an apartment, and the area or town you feel comfortable living in.
Living in an area that one partner does not enjoy can cause distress or unhappiness that would take work later. Asking earlier on will remove these types of hurdles. At times money can be an issue or family, but it is best to clear this up at the start. In this way, a partner that finds living in a different country difficult, for example, could opt out of the relationship earlier on.
The longer you are in a relationship, the harder it is to make these kinds of decisions, and the unhappiness, later on, can be avoided altogether.
Question 9: What Do You Think About Marriage in General?
Marriage is a commitment, and many people want that commitment later on in the relationship. Asking someone what they think of marriage, in general, will give you an indication of whether they view this as essential and valuable or not.
Knowing someone’s values makes it easier to make decisions earlier on in the relationship. Asking this question allows people to express themselves freely about their feelings about marriage without any pressure.
The question can be asked early and again later in the relationship; as people become more serious about the relationship tying that bond can become more critical.
Also, learn about: The Keys to a Successful Marriage (Most Comprehensive Guide)
Suppose it is clear that your new partner is not interested in the idea of commitment earlier on. In that case, it is better to move away now instead of investing yourself and your heart in this person. Unless, of course, you do not want commitment yourself.
Question 10: Why Did Your Last Relationship End?
Most people will be honest about why their relationship ended. They will often find it hard to talk about neutrally, but many will admit they have gained insight from the situation. Insight into difficult situations indicates a certain emotional maturity and an ability to learn and move on.
Suppose the person blames the other person and takes no responsibility at all. In that case, they might be a victim in most circumstances. Knowing what caused the breakup can also guide you in how you want your relationship to look. Plus, avoid similar hurtful situations occurring again if possible.
Question 11: Ask About Sex
Sex is always a great topic, and many couples enjoy speaking about it. They enjoy sharing what turns them on or off. It is better to talk about this now instead of later when the sex has gone stale or boring. In this way, you could avoid this happening earlier on.
It can also be revealing to partners as some sex practices might not be something they are that into, and it is better to mention that fact upfront.
Also read: How to be a Better Lover? Here’s Everything You Need to Know
Question 12: What About Finances?
Finances are a fact of life, and in conversations, finances will always come up. Knowing if your potential life partner is a keen saver or a thrifty spender pays dividends later. It’s important to understand expectations early on in the relationship.
Some people expect men to be breadwinners, others desire a two-way split, and some settle somewhere between. Knowing what to expect financially and what to expect in the future will help you plan your lives more effectively. After talking about finances you can start working on becoming financially independent together in the future.
Question 13: How Do You View Cheating?
Asking about cheating can be tricky because the world has changed, and more and more people are active online. Sometimes people form strong emotional bonds with people online, which could be an issue for some and then again, for others, a non-issue.
It’s wise to define what you both would consider cheating. Is it meeting in secret with someone other than each other? Is it forming solid emotional ties with another person and never meeting at all.
Question 14: How Do You See Lies in a Relationship?
Very few people will admit to telling lies right off the bat, but talking about lies in the relationship can help communication in the future.
Included in the topic about lies, ask if your partner sees omission as a lie? It is easier to tell the truth, and be more honest if the relationship sets a climate for truth. Enabling people, to be frank, is having the ability to be mature about things you might not always want to hear.
Question 15: Ask About the Tough Times They’ve Had to Go Through.
Asking your partner specific questions about their lives and dealing with issues in their lives can give you important insight into how they handle things.
Did they manage to get through the situation? Did they grow from the experience? People who see life as an ongoing growth project are easy to commit to and show that they are in for the long haul. They understand that life at times can be challenging and are prepared to get stuck in and work hard at whatever is going on.
Question 16: What is Your Ideal Relationship?
Most adults realize that no relationship is ideal, but that does not stop us from dreaming! If you ask your partner this question, it can lay bare the ideas that are important to them. Are the same opinions vital to you? Aligning yourself and your ideals to another is an excellent exercise in understanding how compatible you are.
It can also be a fun question to ask too.
Question 17: Do You Have Any Spiritual Leanings?
Religion can be a deal-breaker or deal-maker, depending on the people involved. Some people are pretty clear in their spiritual leanings, and others are not so much. If a particular religion is essential to either of you, this will impact your life in the longer term.
If religion is essential, would you have to convert, for example? Would you overlook this if you disagree with specific spiritual practices, or would it be difficult? It shows respect to another person to be aware of their cultural and spiritual leanings.
Question 18: Who Do You Think Should Do the Housework?
Asking about housework might be a strange topic for newer couples who do not have housework on their minds, but it is better to get this question out there.
Is your prospective partner all for equal division of labor at home, or do they have other ideas? Sharing these ideas can pave the way for a more constructive relationship later on and is very important.
Question 19: How Can I Make You Feel Safe in This Relationship?
A lot of conflict in relationships can revolve around feeling unsafe and feeling unsafe around the issues of money or other people and your partner or being unfaithful. Asking how you could make your partner feel safe is a good way of understanding how they would like these types of things to be dealt with correctly.
Your partner could answer in a variety of ways. Still, these are essential answers because they help a couple set boundaries and ways to nurture one another in constructive ways.
Question 20: Are You a Morning Person or a Night Owl?
While being with a morning person when you are a night owl is not a deal-breaker, it could become important how you deal with it.
If one of you seems to come alive later in the day and the other gets tired, it could work for you, one taking over from the other when the other person is tired. It’s all about management, and relationships are no different.
Question 21: What Do You Like to Do?
Finally, you need to ask quite a general question surrounding what your new partner likes to do. This can be hobbies, interests, the way they like to relax, or anything else they care to imagine.
The aim here is to provide them with an opportunity to divulge any details they like. It also provides you with another opportunity to find some common ground.
As you’ve probably gathered, some of these questions for a new relationship are more important than others because of the impact they can have on a relationship. It is always better to talk about things before they become a sore point in the relationship. You will have your important questions to ask. Still, many of these should be par for the course in setting up a workable life together to avoid problems in the future.
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